Just Another (Guilt) Trip Home

We just returned yesterday from a trip home to NC. The reason for this month’s jaunt up 85? Do you even need to ask? The NCAA Tourney, of course. (And not to brag, but I did have Davidson over Georgetown in my bracket, and what a game that was to witness!).

The visit home was typical – typical stress packing everyone and the car up for a six hour car ride, typical angst making sure that everyone peanut’s related to gets some time with him while we’re in town, typical running around while we’re there, typical lack of napping for the peanut, typical feelings of guilt that there is never enough time to do everything and see everyone.

And this visit was complicated by a horrible allergic reaction to some evil plant growing in the NC clay. I wasn’t in the state an hour before I was sneezing, blowing my nose and feeling like overall ick that just seemed to get worse with every breath.

What I struggle with most when we go home is the fear that our families don’t get the opportunity to really know our little guy. We do our very best to try and include everyone in some sort of activity, but with a variety of schedules to juggle not to mention peanut’s meal and nap times and those of his days-away-from-three-year-old cousin, it seems someone always misses out a little bit. And the little green monster in me starts to rear her ugly head when I start to daydream how great it would be to have family nearby to babysit whenever we need (and for free!) not to mention just to see everyone more often.

Man, the mommy guilt just doesn’t end, does it? I find things to feel guilty about that I can’t even control!

Then, I remember why we’re here. How life works out for a reason. That I am doing all that I can by telling peanut stories about his family, showing him pictures, sharing updates with all our family through phone calls, emails, photos, videos. And I think it’s working – peanut actually recognized and correctly named most of his family members. He was so proud of himself and happy to repeat their names over and over. He gave out plenty of hugs and kisses and smiles.

So we’ll continue to build up peanut’s bank of memories with photos and stories from this trip (how he played in the sand box for the first time, covered himself in dirt in Grandpa’s mulch pile, spontaneously hugged his cousin J. in the butterfly house, held so tightly onto Nana’s hand, wanted Uncle “Nohnny” to blow him more bubbles, snuggled with Aunt M. before bed, worked on his colors with Grandma, giggled at Opa’s Donald Duck impression, identified all of P.’s pottery animals, kissed Uncle B., flirted with Aunt M (the other one) during lunch, and perfected phrases like “see ya,” “I did it,” and “Heels!”) and I’ll work on letting my guilt go. One pollen filled breath at a time.


3 thoughts on “Just Another (Guilt) Trip Home

  1. well, the family feels just as guilty that we don’t live closer – so the guilt goes both ways. I wish we could be there to help you more and be there ot know what the day to day means for peanut. Love you High Heeled Mama!

  2. My fiance’s parents have weekly iChat sessions with their grandchildren (and their other son) every week. Makes the distance between CT and CO much smaller!And soooo jealous of your weekend! Go Heels!

  3. I’ll let you know if living closer to at least part of the family helps alleviate some of the guilt… (Moving is terrifying!) And, somehow, I think the guilt will only be more severe for the other half of the family from whom we’ll still be separated.

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