Second Guesses

Wednesday is the last day of school. The last few weeks have been filled with field days and muffins for moms and class picnics and in-class activities and after school activities and teacher appreciation and  theme days and just about more than I can handle on top of our regular life.

At the little guy’s preschool muffins for moms a few weeks ago, a day in which I was having to sneak him out of school early to drop him home with a brand new babysitter (stressful enough) to rush back out to a working lunch meeting, his teacher’s mentioned they would be moving his class end of year party to the Monday of the last week of school instead of the actual last day of school.

And then I never heard anything else about it.

So this weekend, as I prepped for the week of swim lessons and end of year teacher errands on top of planning for a week-long road trip we’re leaving for Saturday, I thought about the class party. I realized I hadn’t received an email about the date switch and I did not take steps to email the class moms or teachers and headed into the office today.

And of course that party was still today. And I missed it.

Now, I sort of knew that would probably happen. After all, they did make a semi-announcement. But without a reminder or a nudge or a time, well, I felt pulled enough this week and chose to ignore it.

Then proceeded to feel guilty about it when it was confirmed that I wasn’t there.

I make it to 99% of all my kids’ activities. Working part time has been a struggle to make that work when events inevitably fall during the same times I’ve allotted to be in the office and the last month has made it ridiculously stressful. I don’t want to miss my children’s field days and sing-alongs, but I also have a professional responsibility. It’s a constant struggle to find time. With Kindergarten splash down (hello, fire trucks to spray water on my 6 year old – totally NOT missing that) coming up Wednesday and our summer babysitter not yet available for the rest of the week, I consciously chose to turn a blind eye to the three year old’s end of year party so I didn’t miss a complete week in the office.

Did it make me feel guilty? Yup. Will he remember? Probably not. Was his experience less because I wasn’t there? Surely not. Did he mention I wasn’t there? Yes. But, I do realize that sometimes I have to chose. And in the grand scheme of things, not watching my three year old eat a cupcake on his last Monday of school was the least impactful choice to make.

With all the talk of leaning in, sometimes I just need to stand up straight or I might fall over.