Today was a lazy day. The little guy had a half morning of kindergarten camp at his future school and the eight year old and I spent the morning reading and hitting up the library and attempting to fold an origami yoda before we picked up the five year old. The afternoon was spent in a Wii tournament, playing games, building Legos and watching the rain fall. The boys are having a great time this summer. But the fact of the matter is that they are playing better and better together and so the demands on my time are diminishing.
The day I have been waiting for with baited breath.
So why am I so down about it? I should have more time to dedicated to editing, to read my own books, to finish yard projects. And I have done some of those things, but haven’t hit a rhythm. I still don’t trust the non-needing. I keep waiting to be wanted. To be needed. To be summoned. I loved playing Connect Four and Chinese Checkers this afternoon with the five year old, but then he moved on. And I lolled on the couch.
Great. Except not. I’m still left feeling a bit lonely in my crowded house.
I’m assuming this is just an adjustment period. That soon I will no longer be cleaning out folders in my office to keep busy and instead able to set some ground rules to accomplish real edits, finish my own projects. But it’s a strange, strange feeling. My boys are getting big. They are gaining independence. No one needs me to catch them in the pool anymore. They are arguing and negotiating and compromising (when they aren’t hitting and whining and tattle-taling). All things I want them to learn so that I can trust them out in the big bad world.
So we’re having a lazy summer. A summer of boredom and play and discovery and growth. For all three of us.