Great Expectations

Most nights, the peanut and I will “spy” for the hubby. We take up a perch at a front window and guess which car he’ll be, counting the passing vehicles until the hubby finally pulls into the drive. During that horrible childhood witching hour, this game gives us quiet time together and something the peanut can focus on while I run back and forth into the kitchen to finish up dinner prep.

Tonight, with pumpkin peacefully slumbering in his bassinet, peanut and I took up watch. The day’s clouds were receding in the gray sky, revealing a full moon hovering just above the pines. I pointed it out to peanut. He responded: “It’s getting brighter and brighter.”

That’s how I feel about my new day-to-day life with two kids. It’s getting brighter and brighter.

Adjusting to a multiple kid household has been challenging. Between the hormones, the new heart issue, the holiday, I feel like I have yet to have an opportunity to even come remotely close to establishing a new normal. I feel like every moment is a you or him choice between peanut and pumpkin. I feel like if I could just figure out how to get a 20 minute nap…

I know my expectations are high. I want to be back to pre-pregnancy energy levels. I want to be fully engaged at every moment. I want to have a clean house again. Unfortunately, my too high expectations often set me up for failure.

And then, today, after midday mayhem where I had to wake the baby to pick up the peanut at preschool which resulted in a very noisy carpool and a lunchtime where everyone needed to eat at the same time (and I have yet to master the one-handed PB&J assembly while nursing), I managed to get pumpkin down for a nap. I ended up having a lovely afternoon playing with peanut. Sure, I was exhausted and would have given anything for a nap, but the smiles and the snuggles and happier evening because he’d gotten some mama attention were totally worth it.

Like the moon that waxes and wanes, my confidence does, too. And tonight, it was definitely brighter.

So tomorrow, I’ll adjust my expectations. Instead of assuming I can keep both kids happy and entertained all day, that I won’t have to resort to television or pacifier bribery, that I’ll actually be showered and have an empty dishwasher; I’ll simply expect to have a day that’s a little bit brighter than today.

“It’s getting brighter and brighter.”

4 thoughts on “Great Expectations

  1. ah – waking a sleeping baby. It's heartbreaking those poor second children, they never get a full nap! At least not at our house! Glad things are going so well for you and that you are feeling better.

  2. Just catching up on your blog, and seeing that things have been quite eventful! Life with two is definitely an adventure that gets brighter all the time – and a little easier too. Though, I have completely given up on keeping a clean house – I have a hard time believing it's even possible!

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