My experience with motherhood has been that it’s full of momentary weaknesses – eating (all) the leftover mac ‘n cheese, buying popsicles “for the peanut,” turning on Sesame Street so I can blow dry my hair. My big weakness, however, peering over fences.
To an extent, it’s human nature, right? We all have moments of judging ourselves against our peers — whether it’s wondering if we have the right shoes, the right house, the right sippy cups, the right diapers. It’s all very high school, but I don’t think I’m alone in these comparisons. The key, of course, is to be confident in our decisions and not worry about what every one else is doing. Or at least that’s what my mom told me in high school and again before peanut’s arrival.
The problem, lately I’ve been peering over fences and seeing the proverbial greener grass. And how annoying is that? I have a wonderful husband (who VOLUNTEERED to go to the grocery store Saturday afternoon after we returned from a family trip to the zoo so I could lay around with a book (ah, the luxury!) while peanut napped), the opportunity to stay home with my fabulous child, make great new mommy friends. And yet I still find myself wishing for the bigger house, that I was ready for the second child, that I could figure out how to stay at home with peanut but still find something that was solely mine.
Maybe it’s similar to her six-month itch? Maybe it’s summer and the tough decisions we had to make about how to divvy up the hubby’s vacation days and our budget leading us to nix one of our favorite trips of the year? Maybe it’s reading some industry gossip on one of the company’s I used to work for that brings the work-a-day world top of mind? Maybe it’s just Monday?
Whatever it is, I’ve decided to publicly say, no more. Oh, easier said than done, I’m sure. But I do enjoy what I’m doing right now, raising my son, managing the family, thinking up fun things to do. And I’m going to focus on me by focusing on a few things I’ve let slide. The fear of failure is a powerful motivation killer, but as a parent, I need my peanut to know that taking risks is part of life. I want to be an example, in a positive way, for my family.
So no more fence building. No more grass comparisons. My garden is mine to tend and I’m looking forward to seeing what I can grow this summer. What are you planting?