Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
I did it. I went on the dreaded bathing suit shopping expedition. I’m happy to say I made it out alive, but I think I left my dignity in the fitting room at Macy’s.
I know swimsuit shopping is dreaded by most (okay, ALL) women, but let’s keep in mind that I haven’t had to buy a new swimsuit in a couple of years. I was HUGELY pregnant last summer and since we didn’t belong to a pool I had no real reason to buy a maternity suit. Well, we’ve recently joined a gym with an outdoor pool that I’m eager to take peanut to and a family vacation coming up that requires a swimsuit, so off I went. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it, but I’ve worked hard this year to lose the “baby fat” and have been feeling pretty good about myself, so I was, at the very least, hopeful.
Now someone please explain to me where real women buy swimsuits? Apparently not in major department stores. Nearly everything was a barely-there two-piece, and although I might be feeling good about myself, I’m not feeling THAT good. And the “tankini’s” I tried were definitely not meant for women who have borne children — that little strip of exposed skin is the exact area I’m trying to hide people. Ick. Even the one-piece suits had their problems. My nursing-ravaged boobs apparently need a roman shade pulley system to stay where they should — or so it looked in the suits I tried on (and trust me when I tell you I tried about 30 to 50 suits on…I stopped counting on my second trip to the fitting room). And to the makers of the Miracle Suit (promising to make you look 10 pounds thinner), anything that makes me feel like Shamu trying to put on a tube top is probably not going to make me feel good about myself once it’s on.
Eventually I found one that looks nice, it fits (meaning all the parts end up where they are supposed to) and will stay put in all the right places when being pulled on by a squirmy ten-month old. But it’s a total mom suit. Black with white shoulder straps. I suppose I could try to tell myself it’s the little black dress of swim suits, but it’s boring. Could someone please make some tasteful one-piece suits with upstairs support in a cute pattern? At least it was on sale.
I took a stroll through the shoe section on the way out to make myself feel better – my feet were first in returning to pre-pregnancy size. Hmmm…maybe I should get a pair of strappy heels to wear with my swimsuit to jazz it up a bit?
Or maybe not.